


All Night

by HappyVirus707



Category: ASTRO - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Binhyuk - Freeform, Eunwoo and MJ aren’t very active in this story, F/M, M/M, attempt at making yall cry, binhyuk needs more fanfics, good/bad ending??, gore? but not like scary gore y’know just low key gore, hanahaki, i love Astro so im sorry to put my baby rocky through pain, i rlly like binhyuk, tbh idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-06 21:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18225773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyVirus707/pseuds/HappyVirus707
Summary: Ever since Minhyuk met Bin, he’s really liked him. He never realized that the love he had for his best friend could kill him.When his unrequited love never gets solved, maybe he’ll just choose to die with his feelings instead of pushing on.





	All Night

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO! There aren’t many BinHyuk fanfics even though they’re so cute so I decided to make an angsty one because...I literally can’t write anything else. I apologize for my spelling mistakes, don’t be afraid to point them out so I could improve my story. I hope you enjoy. :) 
> 
> BY THE WAY, hanahaki = disease you get when your LOVE (not a crush or a likelike) is unrequited. You pretty much throw up flowers and then when you’ve had it for quite a while, they’ll suffocate you. Only two cures. 1. Get the person who you love to love you back or 2. Get the surgery to remove it but your feelings disappear with hanahaki.

The first time Minhyuk experienced a symptom of hanahaki was before shooting Astro’s “Crazy, Sexy, Cool.” As he was getting his makeup done, he found the urge to cough and his throat felt itchy. He politely excused himself to go to the nearest restroom and once he was inside, he heaved and coughed. 

Only a couple of white petals came out of his mouth. He stared at his hand in silence and touched the saliva-covered petals. Sweat started to form on his forehead and he felt shivers go down his spine. He can’t believe this. 

He threw the petals into the toilet and flushed them away as if he never saw them. He took a deep breath and straightened out his shirt before walking out of the stall to wash his hands. As he rubs his soapy hands together, he looks into the mirror. 

Minhyuk looks healthy and well. His skin is clear, he doesn’t have any eye bags, and there isn’t a wrinkle to be found on his face. That’s why him getting hanahaki was so surprising. How could this have possibly happened? He’s a perfectly healthy young man— or so he thought. 

Before leaving the restroom, he clears his throat which felt dry and sore. “You’ll be fine.” He whispers and walks onto the site where they’re shooting the music video. 

-

“Good job today everyone!” Astro’s manager smiles wide and pats all the members on the back. “The music video looks great. I’m sure you’re all tired so get some rest alright?” 

“Thank you.” They all said in unison and got into the van. Sanha went inside first, then Bin and lastly, Minhyuk. The other three sat in the seats in front of them. 

Sanha immediately falls asleep once he puts his headphones in. Bin turns his head to look at Minhyuk and he looks back at him. Minhyuk’s heart feels like it’s about to explode and the urge to cough is there again. Bin’s eyes are really beautiful… .

“Hey, I’ve got something I want to tell you at the dorm.” Bin says and gives the younger male that iconic puppy smile. “Hang in my room?” 

Minhyuk raises an eyebrow at him, “What about Jinwoo hyung?” 

“What about me?” Jinwoo turns his head around and stares at the two of them. 

“Is it alright if Minhyuk hangs in our room for a while, hyung?” 

The leader nods his head, “Just make sure to not make an even bigger mess. This idiot over here already covers the floor with his clothes.” Jinwoo looks at Bin and he sheepishly laughs. 

Minhyuk softly smiles. Bin was always a messy person, ever since the trainee days till now. The rest of the ride to their dorm was filled with useless chatter. 

-

“What’d you wanna tell me, Binnie?” Minhyuk asks right away once they walk into the room. The older male closes the door behind them and face plants into his bed. He has a shy smile on his face as he stares at Minhyuk. The shorter male sat next to his best friend and hit the back of his head. “You’re looking shady. What happened, hmm?” 

Bin pouts and rubs the place he was hit, making Minhyuk nearly scream with how adorable Bin looked. “Well, since you’re one of my best friends—“ Ouch. Minhyuk’s smile doesn’t falter but he does feel his soul crack a little. Just a bit. “I need some advice.” 

“About what?” 

“I like a girl. Really, really like her.” Bin looks embarrassed and hides his face in the pillow for a split second before side glancing his best friend. “I know she likes me, too, but I just don’t know how to ask her out.”

Minhyuk feels his throat tightening, eyes widening, and heart breaking. “Oh.” He says. He feels the slimy petals going up into his mouth but he swallows them down and clears his throat. “Who is she?”

“Cindy. She was one of our backup dancers.” 

Minhyuk knew who Cindy was. She was an American who’s in Korea for school. She’s nice and funny and to top it off— her looks were stunning. He didn’t know Bin was crushing on her or even talking to her outside of work. “Ahh, yeah. She’s cool.” Minhyuk forces a smile, “But how did a doofus like you get her to like you?” He teases. _How did a doofus like me fall in love with you?_

“I don’t know. By some miracle, we just got close.” Bin turns to lay on his back and looks up at the ceiling. “Now I have no clue on how to get to the next level.” He sighs and runs his hand through his purple dyed hair. 

“Why do you want to go to the next level? Why?” Minhyuk wants to ask but he just stays silent and contemplates. “Take her on a date.” 

“Where? When? How should I ask?” The older male looks so frustrated. “God, she’s got me whipped. I’m too nervous to ask her on one.”

He really doesn’t want to answer these questions. Although his heart is screaming for him not to hurt himself like this any longer, he is still Bin’s best friend. He’s got to help him. “Man up, Binnie. She won’t reject you.” Minhyuk reassures, “Since you’re most confident dancing, maybe ask her to practice with you and then spring the question? Yeah, you guys would be sweaty but who cares? A simple, ‘Hey, I’d really like to go on a date with you. Are you free?’ Then wink or something.” 

Bin laughs, his eyes turning into moon crescents. The sound makes Minhyuk smile. “Your way of doing things is as if this is a web drama.” He sits up, “But thanks, Hyuk. I feel better just talking to you about this. You’re the best!” Bin suddenly hugs the younger male. 

It’s a warm embrace that Minhyuk never wants to stop. His cheek fondly leans against Bin’s shoulder and he lets out a happy sigh. Strong arms hold his waist and he feels as if he was drunk on life. Bin ruffles his grayish hair and lets out a bark of laughter. 

To Minhyuk’s dismay, Bin lets go of him not soon after. “I’m sure you’re tired, sorry for keeping you up to talk about my dry love life.” He places a loving hand on the younger’s shoulder. 

“It’s fine, anything for my _best friend._ ” Minhyuk pinches Bin’s pinkish cheeks. “I’m gonna go wash up and sleep. Don’t stay up too late.” 

“Night!” Bin waves as Minhyuk leaves the room. 

-

Minhyuk wipes the steam off of the mirror with a nearby cloth. He stares at his bare chest, arms, and face. His wet hair drips water droplets on his cheeks. He wishes he had less muscle and a more feminine look. He is too manly for Moon Bin. He pinches the muscles on his arms. 

His abs seem unappealing to him now and he wishes he didn’t go to the gym so much. If he was petite, cute, and a girl then maybe Bin would like him too. 

Suddenly, like an unannounced snow storm, tears begin falling out of his eyes. It hurts. His heart, his body, his throat. It all hurts. 

Minhyuk knew that he had a tiny crush on his best friend before but he never thought it’d turn out to be _love._ Just mentioning that L word makes him gag. He quickly covers his mouth and bends over the sink to cough. It’s his first day discovering he had hanahaki but it was already bad. He sounds as if he’s dying. He heaves a few more times until all the petals are out. They burn his throat as he’s coughing them up. 

There are two knocks at the door, making him unconsciously scream. “Minhyuk, you okay in there?” Dongmin’s voice is on the other side of the door. He panics and scoops up the white petals in the sink to the trash can, then grabs a bunch of toilet paper to cover it. 

“Uh, yeah!” His voice is shaky. No one can find out about this. If the others find out, they’re gonna make fun of him. He’s so embarrassed and he definitely doesn’t want to worry the others to top it off. “It’s nothing!” 

“...I heard you coughing and it sounded pretty bad. Did you come down with a cold?” 

Minhyuk shoves his head into his shirt and opens the door in just a T-shirt and boxers. Dongmin looks concerned and his eyebrows are furrowed. “I’m fine, see?” Minhyuk smiles. “My throat kinda hurts.”

He doesn’t look 100% convinced but he lets it go. “Drink some medicine. There should be a sore throat relief spray in the cabinets.” 

“Thanks, hyung.” 

-

When Minhyuk goes into his room, Sanha is playing a video game on his phone. The maknae looks up at him. “What took you so long?” 

“I hung out with Bin.” He turns off the light and walks to the bed before collapsing on it. His arm reached over to turn on the lamp on his nightstand. “Where’s Myungjun hyung?” 

“Uhh, he said he’s gonna go get a burrito or something.” 

Of course MJ would leave the dorms at such a late time for food. “Are you gonna sleep soon, Sanha?” 

“I slept a little in the car so I’m not as tired.” Sanha huffs a little and presses the buttons hard on his screen before looking at Minhyuk in defeat. “You should go to sleep.” 

Minhyuk softly chuckles, “I will. Goodnight.” How cute the maknae is for caring about him. 

-

_  
“Bin!” Minhyuk screams, “I’m sorry! Please, don’t leave me...” His hands grip at the older male’s clothes._

_“How could you?” Bin roughly pushes Minhyuk off of him and backs up. He has the most disgusted look on his face and he begins to distance himself away. “You’re gross. What kind of guy likes another guy?”_

_Minhyuk’s lips shake and he gets on his knees in front of Bin. “I’m sorry, Bin. Forgive me.” He begs, “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. Don’t leave me.” Bin’s words got him sobbing and he can’t believe what he’s hearing._

_Moon Bin scoffs and walks away. As Hyuk watches his back growing further and further, his soul wants to run after him. He puts his forehead to the floor and begins to cough. Loud, ugly sounds fill the space around him. When he opens his eyes, he sees blood right below him and he backs away in shock._

_Minhyuk feels like he’s suffocating and his hands go up to his neck. He tries to take in oxygen but he knows that it’s useless. The roses. The stupid white roses were killing him. He attempts to call for help but his voice disappears. He thinks of Bin and suddenly, he just wants to be held close in his strong arms— to be loved._

With a loud gasp, Minhyuk springs up from his bed. His hand goes to his chest where his heart is beating a million miles per second. Sanha looks at him strangely. “Hyung?” 

Minhyuk looks at the clock and he sees that he’s only slept for thirty minutes. He stares back at the maknae. “God, I just had the worst nightmare about a spider.” He lies and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“But I heard you saying Bin hyung’s name.” 

Minhyuk’s face drops and he feels his cheeks heating up. “Uh, he was...um, getting eaten by the spider.” He stammers. 

“Whatever, hyung.” Sanha laughs. Minhyuk wants to knock himself out, god is he such a bad liar. 

-

Sometimes, he’d be coughing for a straight ten minutes while puking up white petals and other times, there would be zero signs of hanahaki. 

Minhyuk was hanging out with the members when he starts to feel like he swallowed nails. It’s been a week since the first initial incident and he didn’t expect to be vomiting so soon since he had already done so that morning. 

“And that’s how I lost the elephant but—“ 

Minhyuk interrupts Myungjun with a loud cough followed by more and more. 

“Hyuk, do you need some water?” Bin says worriedly and places a comforting hand on his back. 

With a quick shake of his head, Minhyuk turns away from the group and coughs into his sleeve. 

Jinwoo frowns. “I heard you coughing this morning, too.” His voice is filled with concern and it makes Minhyuk feel even more guilty. “What’s going on, Minhyuk?” 

There’s flowers which fill up his mouth. If he speaks, they’ll come out. Minhyuk is cornered and everyone is watching him. He attempts to swallow them all but he gags in the process. 

“Should we call manager hyung?” Myungjun asks. 

Sanha looks sadly at the older male. “Wait, let me talk to him.” They all look at him strangely but he ignores them and goes up to Minhyuk. In his ear, he softly whispers. “You have hanahaki, don’t you?” 

Minhyuk’s strength breaks down. Sanha knows, lord he knows. He begins to softly cry and nods his head slowly. He was supposed to be the rock of the group, not the softest. 

“I’m gonna take him to the restroom.” Sanha places Hyuk’s arm on his shoulder and helps him up. 

Once they get to the bathroom and the door gets locked, Minhyuk kneels in front of the toilet bowl and all of the soaked petals in his mouth fall out. He heaves the rest out while the maknae rubs his back. His eyes are tightly shut and the hand on his shirt grips the fabric in pain. “How did you know?” His voice comes out raspy. 

“I accidentally knocked over the trash can in your room and there were white petals at the bottom.” Sanha pouts, “Why didn’t you tell any of us?” 

Minhyuk sat on the bathroom floor, exhausted, and he leans his body on the wall behind him. “Because it’s not that serious.” 

“Yes it is, hyung!” The youngest whisper-yells and bends down to look at him in the eyes. “You could die!”

”That happens after the petals are bloody. Only in extreme cases, too.” Minhyuk glares at him, “As you saw, mine were white.” 

Sanha clenches his teeth, “But if you continue to hide it like this, it’ll become fatal.” He places his hand on the older’s cheek, “You need to get the surgery, hyung.” 

Minhyuk would rather die than get rid of these feelings for Bin. Bin is the most amazing person he’s ever met, the most handsome, the most caring— he can’t throw his love away. Happiness fills his heart whenever Bin smiles at him and he always wants to be with the older male. “I...I can’t.” Minhyuk places his hand on the one on his cheek and before Sanha could disapprove, he interrupts him. “Please don’t tell the others.” 

“But hyung—“ 

Minhyuk’s head leans into Sanha’s warm hand. “Sanha, this is the only thing I will ever ask from you. Keep this a secret between you and me, okay?” 

The maknae’s expression is blank. “Fine.” He finally says after a moment of silence. “But who is the person you’re in love with? Would you at least answer that?” 

Minhyuk gulps and looks away from Sanha. “Take a guess?” He awkwardly laughs. 

“Moonbin hyung?” The older stays quiet and he feels his face flush red. Sanha sighs, “You’re such an idiot, y’know?” 

“I know that!” This is so embarrassing, he wants to flush himself down the toilet! He pushes the attention away and flicks the maknae’s forehead. 

-

Whenever Bin stays late with Minhyuk at the dance studio to practice, it’s as if there’s magic playing with Minhyuk’s heart. When they’re dancing together, there’s nothing else that matters to Minhyuk. 

Both boys fall to the floor after the music stops and their chests rises up and down quickly. Minhyuk closes his eyes and his body feels tired because his muscles are burning. They’re both breathing loud and sweaty from doing the choreographies over and over. It’s a Monday night and they’re both relieving stress by dancing. 

Bin’s the first to move next to Minhyuk and lays his head on the other’s stomach. “It’s hard. Not like a girl’s stomach.” He laughs. 

“That’s ‘cause I’m a dude.” 

“Hmm, yeah. You are.” Bin replies. “Have you been using a new perfume recently? You’ve been smelling like flowers.” 

With that comment, Minhyuk’s eyes open and stare at the lights above him. “Yeah.” He didn’t know that hanahaki would give you a floral scent. “D...does it smell bad?” 

“Nah, it’s like a garden.” Bin smiles. “Oh, and guess what? I took your suggestions into mind and asked her out.” 

Minhyuk hums. “How’d it go?” He doesn’t want to know but if he never finds out then he’ll surely drive himself crazy. 

“Saturday, 5:00 PM.” Bin gets up and looks at the large mirror in front of him, then down at Minhyuk. “Exciting, isn’t it? I haven’t had a date since— hah, I can’t even remember! Middle school, maybe?” He’s grinning ear to ear. Minhyuk wants to kiss his thin lips but slaps himself mentally. The love of his life looks so happy talking about someone else, he needs to stop being so selfish. 

“Congrats.” He raises his fists and bumps it to Bin’s, a small spark of electricity goes down his arm. He’s so sensitive to everything the older man does nowadays. “You better tell me all about it when you come home.” 

“Uh, of course!” Bin scoffs, “I’ll even burst into your room and wake up Sanha and Myungjun hyung if you’re sleeping.” 

“You’re gonna be out that late?” Minhyuk’s heart isn’t even dropping anymore, just rotting. Like, come on. It fucking hurts. 

“I want to spend as much time with her as possible.” He replies and walks to his gym bag where he had his water bottle besides it. He places the cold bottle on his red cheeks. “Anyways, enough about me. How’s your love life going?” 

“Oh...” Minhyuk sheepishly laughs. “Not very good. I like them but it seems like the feeling isn’t mutual.” 

Bin looks at him as if he needs more information. 

“But it’s fine.” 

“If it was love, would you have had hanahaki by now?” The older male curiously raises his eyebrows. “I’ve never heard you talking about this girl before.” 

“Thank god, it’s not that deep Binnie. I just have a small crush, that’s it.” Minhyuk begins to talk fast which means he’s lying out of his own ass. “Uh...I just didn’t know how to bring _her_ up.” 

“Who is this mysterious girl?” 

Even though Hyuk’s been resting for a while now, he begins to sweat again. “Haha...her name’s...Binyoung.” Ahhh, he was such a bad liar! “She used to be one of my friends in my home town and recently she moved to Seoul so we met up again. Didn’t expect to start falling for her though.” 

“Oh really?” Bin gleams, “I know you said that the feelings aren’t mutual but who wouldn’t fall for Rocky of Astro? What’s she like?” 

Minhyuk stares quietly at his best friend for a moment. “She has a beautiful smile. Loud laugh, too.” Minhyuk catches Bin’s brown eyes in his own. “She has cat eyes and her lips are a bit thin. She’s also amazing at everything— dancing, singing, comedy, and she’s got a great sense of fashion. Everyone gets along with her well once they meet her because she’s just the coolest.” 

“Sounds like quite the girl.” _Sure is._ “I can tell you really like her. The way you talk about her is so sappy, my heart’s melting.” Bin goes over and grabs Minhyuk’s arms to pull him up. “I wish you the best with her. Win her heart.” He gives an okay sign with a wink. 

Minhyuk wants to laugh at how oblivious Bin is but at the same time, he wants to curl up into a ball and cry. “I will.” 

The door to the practice room opens behind them and Myungjun’s face pops in. “There you two are!” He slams open the door and stands there with a hand on his hip. “We ordered some pizza, should be coming soon. We’re gonna eat it in the green room.” 

“Okay, hyung.” Minhyuk gives him a thumbs up. 

The oldest’s eyes squint at the other two members. “Hyukkie, you’re lookin’ real suspicious.” He says and points two fingers at his eyes, then at Minhyuk. 

“I swear I didn’t do anything!” Minhyuk pouts. 

“Hmmmmm. You’re hiding something!” Myungjun yells before exiting the room. Bin is left laughing while Minhyuk scratches the back of his neck nervously. 

-

Not all moments with Bin are as horrible as they sound. Sometimes, Minhyuk laughs so hard that it hurts like tonight, Friday night. The day before Bin’s big date. 

“Honestly, I thought Bin fell asleep on his phone and he was having a good dream! We all know when he smiles, his eyes go very very slim.” Myungjun pats Bin, who’s smiling even wider, and continues his story. “I did think it was creepy that he was smiling while asleep but it turns out he was awake listening to a funny podcast. But before finding out he was awake, I pulled out my phone to take a picture but Binnie saw me. When he asked what I was doing, I got so surprised that I hit him in the face.” 

Minhyuk drops to the floor and begins laughing while the others are banging things like the desk, floor, or their legs. The fact that he could imagine how Myungjun must’ve felt in that situation made him bursts into another fit of laughter. 

“Hyung! I thought you wouldn’t bring this up!” Bin pretends to be mad and hits the oldest on the shoulder. 

Myungjun hugs Bin and cuddles his head. “I’m so sorry, honey, for hitting your head.” The taller replies with a poke to Myungjun’s side which causes him to fall to his knees. 

“You’re so dramatic.” Dongmin tells him with a handsome smile and wipes the barely developed tears in the corner of his eyes. Minhyuk takes a long, deep breath and he still feels giggly so he continues to lay on the carpet. 

They decided to spend their Friday night together just hanging out in the living room. They’re chatting and laughing as if they’ve known each other for centuries. 

Earlier that morning, Minhyuk didn’t feel so good. He had trouble breathing properly and it was like there was a cage around his heart (other than the rib cage of course). He thought for a split second that a ghost had put a ghost bag over his head and was suffocating him but he ruled that option out. 

He tried to take quiet, deep breaths to not wake up Sanha or Myungjun but he couldn’t even do that. Someone had taken away his oxygen so he was _Breathless._ (Yes, Minhyuk really did reference their song with pride.)

Now, he did feel better. He could breathe again, although it isn’t clear, strong breaths, and his chest is less restricted. 

Jinwoo slams his hand on the table and his members looks at him. “How about a game of truth or dare?” 

“Yahhhh.” Everyone replies. Bin speaks out for the whole group, “That’s so cheesy!” 

“But we haven’t played in a long time.” Jinwoo frowns. His bottom lip juts out dramatically and he looks at everyone with his puppy eyes. They stay in silence while staring blankly at the leader. 

“I wanna play, too.” Myungjun chimes in. 

“Okay, let’s play.” The two youngest reply. 

Jinwoo playfully raises his hand towards Sanha to hit him. “Oh you guys! So disrespectful!” He sits back down and huffs. “You make me wanna cry sometimes.” 

Minhyuk pops his head up from the table and looks at Jinwoo, “Hyungggg, we’re just kidding. You’re the best.” Yeah, he feels a tiny bit dirty for doing that to the most generous person in the room.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Jinwoo shakes his head with a smile. “Now let’s get to playing.” 

Bin looks down and puts a hand on Minhyuk’s thigh beside his foot. “Sit with me.” He mouths and squeezes the strong muscles there. Sparks are flying and Minhyuk wants Bin to do that again. For the millionth time, he fights the romantic desire back and grabs his best friend’s arm to lift himself up and sit down on the chair next to him. 

“I’ll start! Truth or dare, Mr. Swag?” Myungjun has a mischievous look in his eyes. 

“Dare.” Minhyuk confidently replies, giving the oldest member a smirk. Although he was soft when it came to love, there was no other question to Rocky’s confidence. He knew he was good but there are times when he’s most insecure and that’s when the flowers show up. The others dramatically gasped. 

“I dare you to act as if Bin’s leaving you. Beg him not to go to the other girl. Have an argument.” Myungjun laughs at Minhyuk’s now triggered expression. “Dongmin’ll grade your skills. This is practice since you suck at acting.” 

“Mean!” Minhyuk cried out. 

“I was kidding!” 

“I like this one.” Dongmin laughs, “I won’t go easy on you so do your best, Rocky.” There’s a flash of an uneasy look on Sanha’s face but he exchanges it for a smile. 

“3...2...1...” Jinwoo opens his arms and slaps them together. “Action!” 

Minhyuk and Bin had to move the living room table to the side to perform their act. The others were sitting on the floor in front of the couch and they stood in front of the TV. Bin turned away from Minhyuk and was beginning to walk away but the younger male grabbed onto his sleeve. 

“Wait, just, what did you just say?” Minhyuk stutters, then pulls him back and he looks up at him. He kinda loves that he’s shorter than Bin. “Come on. You aren’t serious, are you?” 

“God! Let me go!” Bin rips himself off the shorter male. Eyes glare at the soft ones. “And yes, I am serious. What about it? I don’t love you anymore. You aren’t what I need. What I WANT.”

Minhyuk knew this would be a horrible idea. He always imagines his bestie saying these types of things but to actually hear them out loud, acting or not, really just hammers his heart. “You can’t! Please, please don’t.” He drops on his knees. “I’ll do anything, get you anything, be anything you want me to be!” He begged. “Just don’t leave me, please...“

Bin scoffs. His lips twitch and Hyuk feels like he’s about to get slapped. _This is just a scene. Calm. Down._ He tells himself over and over. “There’s nothing you can do.” 

Minhyuk gulps and his fingers reach up to once again hold onto Bin. “I love you.” Minhyuk says loudly. If this wasn’t such an emotional scene, he’d probably would’ve felt so free that he said it. “I love you so much. I can’t LIVE without you—“ 

“But I can and will.” He snarls. “And she’s better than you’ll ever be. She is my soulmate, you’re just a stranger now.” 

Would the great and kind Moon Bin really say these things in a real situation? “You’re the one thing I look forward to when I wake up in the morning...” His voice shakes. Minhyuk knows that he really shouldn’t continue since he’s taking it way too serious. _This is way too stupid! Don’t you dare cry because of this shit!_

A wave of petals start trying to escape his body. Minhyuk places his forehead on the ground and begins to cough repeatedly, doing his absolute best to keep his mouth shut and covered by his hand. This time, it feels different. There’s more petals than normal and something else harder than them attached. 

“Ohh! Hanahaki!” Jinwoo realizes. Minhyuk tightly seals his lips and turns his head to look at the leader in surprise. Eyes wide and hands shaking. “Wow, you did so well!” Oh— he thought this was part of the scene. 

“That was awesome!” Myungjun exclaims. He hops off the ground and slams his hand on Hyuk’s back, then to Bin. “I didn’t expect such a good soap opera. Hah, genius-Jun. I was watching so intensely that I ran outta popcorn and kinda want some more.” 

“Hyung, we’re on a diet—“ Bin begins to say but Minhyuk has already grabbed the empty bag and ran to the kitchen. “What’s up with him?” He mutters to which the others shrugged their shoulders. 

-

Minhyuk pushes the flower out of his mouth with his tongue. There’s a small stem starting to develop at the end of the white rose. A small thorn lays pointing outward at the end and he’s so relieved that it didn’t rip the inside of his throat (but it sure felt like it did). He quickly puts the gross mess he just puked up in one hand and throws a new bag of popcorn in the microwave with the other one. While that was popping, he walked past the living room as normally as he could then into the bathroom. 

His disease is getting worse. There’s a fire burning all over his body. Coughing had taken him a lot of energy to do lately even if he wants to do it. In his hand is a full rose. Some of the petals were stuck in his throat so he doesn’t have a large flower. He stares in awe at it. 

At this rate, he might die. Minhyuk wasn’t supposed to be developing full roses until after three weeks and it hasn’t even been two. The flower floats on top of the water when he drops it in the toilet bowl and watches the petals fall apart when he flushes. There’s the fresh feeling saliva on his palm. His chest feels heavy and his eyes are wanting to shut tight. 

As he washes his hands, the microwave goes off and he goes to get his loud hyung’s popcorn. 

-

When Minhyuk comes back into the living room with a bowl of slightly burnt popcorn, Bin sees that he’s more tired than before he left. His friend of seven years has been acting strange these days. Ever since they’ve finished shooting their newest video, he’s been more closed off. 

Yes, he and Bin still hang out and all but it seems like he’s doing more of the talking instead of it being equal like it used to be. “There he is!” Bin smiles as Minhyuk takes the seat next to him again. He notices his friend’s red face and eyes which blink slowly. Even with that soulless look, he still forces a smile. 

“Yeah.” is all he says. 

Dongmin claps his hands loudly twice and the others look at him. “Now for my evaluation.” The handsome man puts his hands together. “You guys did good. I know I’m supposed to review Minhyuk’s acting but I think Bin, you could use a little less hand movements. More emotion in your voice. But Minhyuk was really good at showing the pain. And I liked how you added in the hanahaki at the end.” 

“Thank you, thank you.” Minhyuk bows. “Rocky swag.” He mutters at the end but the members heard him. They cringe a little on the inside but it’s all good because they laugh in the end. 

“Who’s next?” Sanha asks. 

“Actually...” Minhyuk has his hand raised. “I think I’m gonna go to bed. I’m tired.” 

“Awww.” Sanha frowns and wraps his arms around the older male’s shoulder. “Don’t go yet, we’ve only done one dare.” The latter ruffles his hair. 

“We can always play again. Right, hyungs?” 

Jinwoo nods. “We’ve got busy schedules on Monday.” He replies. “Sleep well, Rocky.” 

Sanha lets go of him and he waves a small goodbye before leaving. He feels bad for only doing one dare, then ditching but he feels worse physically. Hanahaki is sucking the life out of him and he’s okay with it. He loves Bin so much and he might never feel this strong about someone else again so he’ll just live with it like it’s nothing. 

Minhyuk curls up on his bed with the blankets covering him. He’s been more cold these days so he got three blankets on his bed instead of one. His eyes flutter shut and he ignores the constant irritation in his throat. 

Maybe he should get the surgery. If the flowers keep growing bigger and longer, his health will definitely degrade. He won’t be able to sing or rap because of his throat and then dancing won’t be possible if he’s always tired from throwing up everything he’s eaten along with the stupid white petals. He can’t imagine not being able to dance.

Minhyuk’s eyes fly open when he feels a dip in the spot besides him. Bin is sitting on the edge besides his waist and turns on the lamp when he sees Hyuk looking at him. “Sorry, did I wake you?” He asks in a low voice. 

“Nah.” Minhyuk begins to get up but Bin pushes him back down to lay, saying that he doesn’t have to get up. “I couldn’t sleep anyway. What’re you doing in here, Binnie?” 

“I wanted to check on you.” He replies. Minhyuk’s heart soars like an airplane because he cares. Bin is so kind (although there are moments where he wants the older male to be his punching bag) and he can’t believe that someone like that is his best friend. All of the members are amazing but there’s just something about Bin. “You’re coughing a lot and seem to be way more tired than you used to be. Is...is everything alright?”

Minhyuk gulped and stared up at the ceiling. “I think I’ve got a small cold or something.” 

Bin sees in the corner of his eyes every time his best friend dozes off while there’s a meeting or when it’s the middle of the night and he’s texting Cindy, he can hear Rocky’s sickly coughing. If it’s a small cold then it’s been going on for nearly two weeks. He reaches his hand over to touch Minhyuk’s forehead which wasn’t that hot. 

“Is it hanahaki?” Bin really hopes it’s not. The idea of spitting up petals or flowers scare him. Although these days, the disease is being used as a writing trope, it really isn’t a joke. Yes, it is common but suffocating because of flowers filling up your lungs definitely isn’t good. 

Minhyuk clenches his teeth together. His eyes tightly shut and he turns his back to Bin. “I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.” 

“Park Minhyuk!” Bin exclaims and puts his hands on the boy’s waist. He softly shakes him. “Don’t be like that. C’mon, I won’t judge you for having hanahaki. I’ll be with you before and after the surgery—“

“I don’t fucking have it!” Minhyuk snaps. Enough! He’s tired and he doesn’t want to talk about this, especially with the person he loves! “I told you, it’s just a stupid cold. Sanha keeps playing games and yelling late at night so of course I’ll be tired! Satisfied?” 

There’s a moment of silence before a reply. “...I’m just worried for you. I care about you a lot and your health hasn’t been looking good.” Bin says, tone sad. This sends a spike to Minhyuk’s heart. He turns around again and looks at his love with tears in his eyes. 

“Bin...I’m sorry.” Minhyuk whimpers out, definitely embarrassed. Rock my ass— he’s a wimp. A baby. “I’ve been really stressed out. There’s a lot of things that I’ve been thinking about and it’s confusing me and- and, I just...” All he’s been thinking about is Bin and even though he’s liked him for years, hanahaki is making it even harder on him because now he LOVES Bin. That’s not the only thing. There’s a concern that he’ll have to leave the music industry, disappoint the fans, and die. 

“Aw, Hyukkie. C’mere.” Bin’s arms are open, waiting for him. Without anymore hesitation, he flings himself up to the older’s arms and into his lap. There are soft, slow rubs on his back as he cries and cries. They’re gross, snotty sobs that wet the cloth of Bin’s shirt. 

_I love you, I love you, I love you! Ever since I first met you, ever since we first danced together, I have liked you. God, I’m head over heels._

Minhyuk digs his nails into Bin’s hair and tries to get even closer to him although there’s really no more space between them. He doesn’t cry in front of anyone and he used to be really proud for being able to hold it in for so long but he isn’t ashamed for crying now. He hopes he’s not being too weird because there’s no way he’s letting go any time soon even if he wants to vomit up those disgusting petals. 

-

Bin’s already gone when Minhyuk wakes up. He didn’t expect anything more but he’s still disappointed. He checks the clock on the wall and sees that it’s 1:00 (damn, he actually slept uninterrupted for a long time for once), knowing that it’s time to get up off his ass. 

Sanha and Myungjun are already lounging about in the living room with Jinwoo. Dongmin has to shoot a drama so he’s out of the dorms while Bin takes a shower. 

Oh yeah, he has his date today. Minhyuk doesn’t want him to go but he wishes it’ll be good. He walks back into his room and scrolls through his phone. The arohas are very kind again today, too, as he scrolls through Twitter. They’re talking about the music video and it makes him happy that they like it. 

A certain tweet catches his eyes and he taps on it. 

_“Oh no!!! I’ve got unrequited love for Rocky~~~ what do I do? ㅠㅠ”_ Then, there was a picture below of a very pale hand holding a droopy flower. 

He’s seen these type of things go around all over the Internet whenever fans fall in love with celebrities. Yes, he deeply loves arohas but not in a romantic way. There’re many girls who love Dongmin and they come to the fanmeets with masks to hide their coughs. 

There’s guilt whenever he sees an aroha catching hanahaki because of him. There’s nothing he can really do besides hope that they’ll get the surgery and heal properly. 

-

Bin is so excited for his date. He’s been interested in Cindy for a while and then when he got the courage to ask for her phone number, he just fell deeper. They texted often and whenever she had to be a backup dancer, they would talk for hours after practice has finished. Today, he was finally taking her out on a date to the movies. 

It’s only 2:00 and he has to wait 3 more hours to see her. He begins to style his hair which used to be purple but was now a dark shade of grey. He hums and pushes a stray hair out of his eyes. 

He hears Minhyuk’s coughs muffled by the walls between them. He flinches when a particular loud gag comes out from the bathroom. He turns off the straightener before walking to the bathroom. 

Bin taps the door with his index knuckle. “Did you already take some cold medicine?” 

“Yeah.” Minhyuk croaks. “Just an itchy throat.” He hears the flush of the toilet, the water from the sink and then the door opens. 

“Need some water?” 

The shorter male pats his shoulder. “I’m fine, Bin. Just worry about your precious date today.” He winks, “Don’t stay out too late.” 

“I won’t.” Bin smiles, “Get some rest.” 

-

Minhyuk spent the rest of the day dancing in the studio. He wasn’t practicing anything in particular, just doing dances he’s learned before or freestyle. Dancing makes it easy to forget the real world and he can just be himself. He does notice that he can’t dance as long as he used to and that’s a bit alarming but he ignores it anyway. 

Replay by SHINee is blaring loudly and it’s one of his favorite choreographies. He sings along with the song. He’s feeling a bit dizzy and his breathing is growing louder but he doesn’t stop. His heart is getting crushed as he continues to push himself further. 

When the song stops, the world is moving way too fast. He sees two of everything and the light got brighter. He blinks a couple of times and wipes the sweat off his forehead with his arm. He slowly crouches down to sit and uses his sore legs to kick himself all the way to the wall so he could lean against it. The sweat is making him uncomfortable and so takes off his shirt which was soaked. 

He wonders how Bin is doing. Is the movie interesting? Buttered popcorn, cheesy popcorn, or both? Is she resting her head on his shoulder? Are they holding hands? Is he happy? “Why can’t it be me?” He asks out loud. He knows why Bin doesn’t like him. Minhyuk’s a guy, and not only that but his best friend. Cindy’s a cute girl and probably more interesting than him. 

He can’t feel his fingers, toes, legs, and his mind is dozing off. He doesn’t want to go to sleep, though. He wants to dance, to sing, to be with Bin. His eyes flutter open, they stare at the ceiling light. There are little neon squiggles which look like small flowers and random mathematical shapes. His heart is heavy because he knows that it’s filling up with roses. Soon, he’ll be coughing up the stems along with the flower. The thorns on the stem with scratch his throat from the inside and then his ability to sing, rap, or maybe even talk will suffer. They’ll wrap around his lungs and suffocate him. 

The door to the practice room opens and he doesn’t bother to see who it is. “Rocky?” It’s Jinwoo’s deep voice. 

“Hello, hyung.” He replies. 

“What’re you doing?” The older’s voice sounds concerned. “This is our day off, you should be resting.” 

Minhyuk laughs. “But dancing is my therapy.” His head flops down and rests awkwardly on his shoulder. “What’re you doing here?” 

“I was gonna ask our manager if there’s any schedules on Wednesday but he didn’t pick up his phone.” Jinwoo sighs. “So I was going to his office.” 

“What’s happening on Wednesday?” 

“Got an appointment for my neck.” Jin rubs his nape. “It’s been hurting lately so I’m gonna get a massage.”

“Nice, hyung.” Minhyuk gets up slowly to grab his soaked shirt. 

“Oh yeah! Bin came home already,” The leader smiles. “Says he wants to see you so hurry.” 

Minhyuk lights up as if someone flicked a switch (Thank god he’s back! He thinks), “Okay, thanks!” He rushes to put his shirt on and sprints to his gym bag. He pulls a water bottle out and takes a quick sip before shoving it back in the bag and zipping it shut. 

“You really like him, don’t you?” Jinwoo smirked before leaving. The younger male looks at the empty doorway with an even redder face than before. 

“Of course I do.” He mutters and slings the bag over his shoulder. 

-

“Bin!” Minhyuk slams open the front door, frightening Sanha who was watching Red Velvet interviews.

“Jesus, hyung!” Sanha screams. “You scared the ffffff- god, you scared me!” 

Minhyuk thought he looked adorable so he went over and pinched his cheeks before leaving to Bin’s room. He bumps into said man as he ran into the hallway. “Minhyuk, where were you?” 

“Dancing, now let’s hurry, you log.” He pushes the taller male back into the hallway and into the room. He spins around to lock the door, then sits on Jinwoo’s bed right across from Bin. “How was it?” He was so curious, he needed to know. Good? Bad? Will they never have another one? (He hopes they won’t but ignores the negative thought.)

“Soulmate.” Bin replies, cheeks growing pink and smile widening, “She’s my soulmate.” 

Minhyuk has a lump in his throat and there’s an indescribable sadness that overwhelms him. “I’m guessing it went well, huh?” 

The older happily nods. “We went to watch this horrible horror movie and we pretty much laughed the whole time.” He tells him. “It was so bad that I don’t remember the name. Then afterwards, we had went to the Lindsay’s Diner downtown, y’know with the checkered floor, and never have I had that much fun with a girl before. She was great, constantly cracking up jokes, and being totally herself. So amazing.” 

Bin continues to ramble about his date while Minhyuk quietly listens in. To be honest, he does feel jealous but he’s glad for Bin. Bin hasn’t been in many relationships because being an idol requires him to take up much of his time for his job and that’s been a real deal breaker for other girls. This was really the first time that he’s went to Minhyuk to talk about his date. He wants to tell his best friend about this beautiful girl forever. 

“Good job, Bin.” Minhyuk faintly smiles. There’s a tear right in the middle of his heart. The left side is saying that he’s happy, it’s great that Bin took his crush out on a date. The right is just sobbing, envious, and honestly being a bitch. 

“And, that’s not even all!” Bin claps his hands together. “I asked her to be my girlfriend! And she said YES!” He screams with the widest grin on his stupidly handsome face. 

Minhyuk’s mouth opens like a fish out of water. “Dude—“ He grabs onto the older’s shoulders and shakes them. “That’s— that’s wonderful!” There’s a great pain in the pit of his stomach, then it feels like a stab in his throat. Someone was running the edge of a knife up and down his neck and holy crap, what is happening? He pushes the pain down with a larger gulp of saliva and tries to ignore it. 

“I know!” Bin exclaims and stares directly into Minhyuk’s eyes, making his heart do somersaults, and he looks so, so thrilled that it’s heartbreaking. “Thanks, Hyukkie! You gave me the courage to finally ask her out, and I can’t be anymore happy than I am now.” 

“Of course, Bin.” Minhyuk presses his lips together and the corners of his mouth curve up to a small smile. “I wish you two the best.” 

Bin holds his cheeks in his hands and he just can’t stop smiling. “Thank you.” 

-

Another week passes by in a flash. Astro’s been working hard to get their name out, especially Dongmin who takes every acting part he can. They’re already thinking about their comeback and the songs in it. 

As each day passes, Minhyuk coughs up more and more full roses and each time he does, the stem gets longer. He can’t feel the thorns very much when he isn’t coughing but when he has to physically shove his finger down his throat to grab it out, it hurts as hell. He cries more each time it happens. 

He notices that the flowers aren’t the flawless white color they used to be but instead, some spots of red decorate them. He knows it’s blood but lies to himself and says that it’s just normal for flowers to have random patterns. His voice sounds hoarse and there are moments when he can’t speak because it hurts so much. Did he swallow a needle? Maybe a razor? Why does he want to cry so much? The pain (physically and mentally) is so hard to hide. Every time he sees Bin texting away happily to you-know-who, it tears him up inside. Literally. 

It’s a Thursday morning when he wakes up at 2:12 AM to a horrible cough. His hands fly up to cover his mouth. There’s a disgusting liquid on his tongue, then the smell of pennies hits his nose. He sits up suddenly and it feels like claws were scratching the inside of his throat. Tears brimmed his eyes, he wanted to vomit, and it was as if there was a fog inside his head. He couldn’t process what was going on or why. His breathing becomes labored. 

From the other side of the room, he sees Myungjun moving from under the covers. There’s a groan, then silence. After a moment of shock, he moves his shaking legs to hang off the bed, then his feet softly hit the ground. He’s out of it as he begins walking out of his shared bedroom, his hand which wasn’t covering his mouth touches the wall for support. It’s dark and he has to squint to see his way to the bathroom. 

Once he makes it in, he drops on his knees to the ground after slamming the door shut and turning on the light. His hands wrap around his burning throat as tears, blood, and saliva roll down his face, then he begins to dry heave. He doesn’t even care to do it in the toilet and just continues on the cold tile floors. 

With the blood, there was a couple broken petals covered and it didn’t seem to stop. He continues to vomit even though the damage, pain, and pressure was unbearable. He began to sob openly, not being able to take it. 

He can’t breathe. He. Can’t. Breathe. The flower— it’s stuck, lodged in his throat. The thorns stab and stab into his vulnerable flesh. He always hated putting his fingers in his mouth and when he was 4, he gagged whenever his friends would suck their thumbs. But these days, he has no other choice but to pull out the white rose himself or he’ll just suffocate. 

His pointer finger and thumb grip onto the tip of the rose petals, slowly pulling them out. With each inch that moves further out of his throat, he can feel each individual thorn cutting his throat. His eyes shut tightly before he summons up the courage to quickly rip the flower out. 

Minhyuk quickly inhales oxygen like he’s never had it before. He begins coughing up blood due to the sudden cold air hitting his throat. Through his tears, he sees the blood-red rose on the ground. The thorns are glistening due to the saliva and he wants to vomit looking at them, so he does. All that comes out was more blood, saliva, and petals. 

Is this it? The end of the road? He’s only 19, for God’s sake. What about his family, friends, and arohas? What about Bin? “I’m dying!” He pitifully cries, voice absolutely wrecked. He doesn’t know why he said that but it just flies out of his mouth. 

The door slams open behind him and he turns around, blood dripping from his mouth and tears rolling down his cheeks. There he is— his beautiful hero. Moon Bin. He stands there in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. 

“Minhyuk!” Bin screams. “We need to get you to the hospital. Jesus, Hyuk!” There’s so much blood behind him, a whole puddle and petals are floating on it like leaves in a lake. He crouches down to Minhyuk and wipes the blood from his lips with his thumbs. “You’re gonna be fine, okay? I’ll get us to the hospital, come on.” 

Minhyuk silently continues to cry because he knows that he can’t speak without it hurting. He shakes his head. 

“What’s going on?” Dongmin asks as he rubs his tired eyes. “Why’re you guys up so— oh my god!” He stands at the doorway, the same flabbergasted expression on his face as Bin. 

“Please, call an ambulance, hyung!” 

Dongmin looks to Bin, then Minhyuk, then the blood and roses. “Y-yeah, yeah okay.” He rushes back to his room and calls the hospital on his phone. 

“It’s Binyoung, isn’t it?” Bin starts crying too. He sits down and gently pulls the younger male closer to him so he can rest his head on his shoulder. 

_No, it’s you._ Minhyuk shakes his head weakly. 

Bin can’t believe this is happening to his best friend. He should’ve known that he had hanahaki but he stupidly believed Hyuk when he said he didn’t have it. Bin was texting Cindy when he first heard him gagging. Then, he went to investigate. He pressed his ear to the door but the sounds just kept getting worse. He was gonna wake up Jinwoo but when he heard Minhyuk say he was dying, he instinctively busted inside. When he saw the younger male in such an unstable state, his heart dropped into his stomach. 

“You’re gonna be okay.” Bin whispers, and for some reason, he nuzzles his nose into Minhyuk’s sweat covered hair and kisses his head. His parents used to do that to him when he was a child and was sick, it would always make him feel better. Minhyuk’s thin body started shaking like a leaf and he hugged him back tightly. 

“I love you.” Minhyuk’s voice is so quiet and scratchy that Bin almost couldn’t hear it. Almost. 

-

Minhyuk wakes up to the sun shining through the window, a constant beeping sound, and a plainly decorated hospital room. There’s only one vase in the corner with a small yellow flower in it, and then a painting of a field hangs on top of it. Bin is sleeping besides his bed on a chair that looks uncomfortable. 

Myungjun and Jinwoo are leaning on the wall, also asleep but Dongmin is no where to be seen. Once Sanha sees that he’s awake, he goes by his side. “Hyung, we were so worried.” He whispers and there are dark circles under his smooth skin. Minhyuk’s mouth opens to reply to him but there’s no sound coming out. Sanha notices this and shushes him. “The doctor said it’s better for you to not talk for awhile.” 

Minhyuk nods in understanding. He feels light headed. 

“When the doctor comes in, you tell him to perform that surgery, okay?” Sanha’s eyes start tearing up. “Please, you have to get hanahaki removed. I’m sorry for not doing anything about this earlier. I knew yet...yet I didn’t do anything and now you’re in this situation. I’m sorry, hyung.” 

The older male shakes his head. _It’s not your fault. It was my choice to stay quiet._

The door opens and in comes Dongmin with the female doctor behind him. There’s a cup of water in his hand and he places it on the table. “You’re finally awake.” He tries to give him a comforting smile but it seems more forced than usual. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Park. I’m Dr. Kang Sooya.” The doctor has a clipboard in her hand and there’s another nurse behind her carrying a marker board. She passes the marker and board to Minhyuk. “How are you feeling?” 

Minhyuk’s hands feel heavy and he doesn’t want to move them but the others were waking up and the doctor was staring at him. Bin’s sleepy eyes go directly to Minhyuk. 

_”Nice to meet you, too. I feel better.”_ He writes. It’s somewhat true because physically, there’s no pain but emotionally— it’s a mess. 

“That’s good to hear.” She warmly smiles at him and pushes up her glasses. “Now, when you arrived at the hospital, you were unconscious. We did a small surgery to stitch up the cuts in your throat due to the thorns. I’m sure you know this but there is a strict law that we must abide which states that the patient must consent to removing hanahaki.” 

Minhyuk nodded his head. 

“And we must have you consent to having surgery to remove hanahaki. Fortunately, you seem conscious now.”

“Say yes.” Myungjun mouths from the ground. 

Minhyuk quietly stares at the eldest member, then to Sanha and Bin. Jinwoo is still fast asleep and Dongmin can’t seem to look at him. _”If I don’t, what will happen?”_

“Well, from what these boys told me, you’re in the entertainment business. I don’t think you’ll be able to sing if you don’t remove hanahaki. Physical activity will also be difficult and strenuous on your throat.” Dr. Kang says grimly. “The end result is death. In most cases, it’s suffocation. In your case, it could be suffocation or infection because the flower you have are roses.” 

Minhyuk stares dumbly at her. His nightmare is now reality. 

“But, if you don’t want to have the surgery, we’ll give you medication. It won’t stop hanahaki but it will slow down the growth of it.” She gives him a hopeful look. “Would you like time to think about it?” 

His lips press into a thin line and there’s goosebumps on his arm. He slowly begins writing on the marker board. 

_”I don’t want to have the surgery. The medication sounds great though.”_

Bin stands up from his chair and slams his hand on the wall. “What?! Are you stupid?” He yells. His face is fuming and his eyes show hurt in them. “You’re gonna lose everything if you don’t go through with the surgery! Arohas, your singing, rapping, and dancing! Your _life!_ The hard work you’ve done— all gone.”

The doctor shushes him. “Mr. Moon, it isn’t your decision—“

“I don’t care! This is my best friend, you can’t just let him die.” Bin grabs Minhyuk’s hand and tightly holds it. At this point, Jinwoo is finally awake and surprised. “Please think about it, please. Don’t die an idiot!” 

“Hyung, quiet. You’re scaring him.” Sanha whispers. 

“Shut up!” His frustration is uncontrollable at this point. “Do you see what he’s doing? He’s refusing surgery, he’s refusing to save his own life! He. Is. Dying!”

“Moonbin.” Jinwoo stands up and puts a hand on the male’s shoulder to calm him down but he pushes it off. 

“I don’t agree with what he’s doing either! I don’t want him to die!” The youngest yells back. “But at least I don’t bother him by yelling at the top of my lungs but look at you! Don’t talk to him that way!” 

Bin bites his lip and glares at the maknae. “So you’re just gonna let him not get the surgery?” He’s crying now but snarls, “Let him die? His last days with be in pain and agony, he’ll suffocate, Sanha. You’re letting him do this?” 

“Oh, don’t you dare blame it all on me!” Sanha explodes. “YOU’RE the one who caused all this, YOU made him like this. He was in the emergency room because of you. You gave him hanahaki, you asshole!” 

“You little fu—“

“Stop!” Dongmin screams. “Both of you, cut it out!” 

Minhyuk has his ears covered with his hands, trying his best to block out all the sound. He’s uncontrollably shaking and clenches his teeth. Dongmin sees this and comforts him by wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

Jinwoo grabs Bin by his ear (“Ow, hyung. Stop stop stop!”) and drags him to Sanha where he grips onto his collar. “Let’s have a talk.” He sternly says and gives them a death stare. He pulls them both out of the room forcefully. 

Dr. Kang clears her throat and looks back to Minhyuk. “Have anymore questions?” She asks and the younger male shakes his head. “Alright. We’ll visit back and see how your throat is doing in an hour or so. If you need anything, you may press that button and a nurse will be with you shortly.” She and the nurse bid the boys goodbye and left. 

Myungjun has a comforting smile on his face. “How do you actually feel?” His honey-like voice is calmer than it usually is. 

Minhyuk tries to reach over and grab the marker on the ground but he can’t really move that far. Dongmin ruffles his hair fondly and picks it up for him. They’re acting as if he was a child. 

_”It really hurts, hyung. Emotionally.”_ He writes. 

The eldest in the band pulls the hospital chair so he could sit down closer to him. “I know. Hanahaki will do that to you.” He reaches over and softly holds one of Minhyuk’s hands. He feels so loved that it’s a bit frightening. 

Dongmin gently sits on the bed with the younger male. “Minhyuk, you know we won’t judge you.” Warm eyes stare at his and he feels nervous. “We aren’t mad either. I understand if you were scared to tell us. You thought you’d be a bother, didn’t you?” 

Minhyuk sniffles and nods his head. 

“You’re family, Minhyuk. You won’t ever bother us if you have a problem, okay?” Myungjun’s hands tighten around the other’s, “We love you. I’m glad you woke up.”

“I am, too.” Dongmin says, “You’re my little brother.” 

Minhyuk wants to cry again. They look so tired and worried. They’re idols too, and are busy most of the time, so him just being in this situation would hurt their health. Myungjun wipes the stray tear that rolls down Minhyuk’s cheek and smiles. “Don’t be sad, Hyukkie. Just get better.” 

-

Jinwoo stares at Minhyuk in silence. There’s no expression on his face and his body leans against the wall as his arms are crossed. The younger male gulps, hurting his throat a bit, and wants to chug the water in the vase just to fill the silence with noise. 

It’s just the two rappers of the group. The others were sent home to sleep since they haven’t the night before but Jinwoo says he slept enough and wanted to talk to him alone. 

Minhyuk breaks eye contact and looks down at his arm which is hooked up to a machine. 

Finally, he hears Jinwoo’s deep voice. “When I was in my first year of highschool, I fell in love with a senior. Her mom was friends with mine so she’d come over often.” He closes his eyes and smiles as he remembers her. “She always called me her little brother with the brightest smile. After she graduated, she was more busy with college. I missed her and in the end, I really was just a little brother because I got hanahaki.” 

Minhyuk has never heard of this story so he was surprised to say the least. 

“I didn’t want to get it removed because I loved her so much but...” His eyes turn soft and he frowns, “I love music. I love singing and rapping. I knew that if I continued to let hanahaki grow, I wouldn’t be able to do my favorite things anymore. So I told my parents and got the surgery.” 

The younger male loves music too. He’s been dancing for almost all of his life and he can’t imagine stopping. He was born to perform, he loved it all. The fans, the recordings, the choreography, the _music._

“It was hard. I had lost those butterflies in my stomach whenever I talked to that girl. I didn’t see her the same way. I felt strange.” Jinwoo says, “But I didn’t let it stop me. I finally debuted and forgot all about those times. I got a job I am passionate about and thousands of fans who loves me.” His voice starts becoming shaky and he wipes his wet eyes. 

Minhyuk grabs his marker and starts writing. _”Don’t cry, hyung.”_

Jinwoo utters a laugh and smiles. “I can’t help it, Hyuk. You know that I’m a crybaby.” He replies. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that...you can make any choice you want. Whether it’s to get the surgery or not but Bin won’t fall in love with you even if you love him to death. But, when you love music— singing, dancing, rapping— it will always love you back.” 

Minhyuk looked quietly at Jinwoo. He didn’t know what to say but his words did hit him hard. The leader was right. Bin will never love him and that’s just the reality of it. Isn’t it okay to let go then?

“I’m the leader. I’m supposed to take care of all of you.” The older man whimpers. “I’m sorry, Minhyuk. I’ll always take care of you from now on. I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again. I love you, y’know that right?” 

Minhyuk wanted to reply with a loud, “Yes!” because he knows how much Jinwoo cares for all the members. He acts as if they’re all his children even if Myungjun is the oldest. The younger male nods his head. 

“Good.” Jinwoo wipes his snot with his sleeve. It’s gross but he doesn’t care. “Now I’ll let you sleep. You must be tired.”

 _”Goodbye. Thanks for talking to me.”_ Minhyuk quickly writes and shows the leader. He grins in response and gives him a hug. 

-

“I heard that you told Dr. Kang that you want the hanahaki removed.” Bin says. He looks better than yesterday when he was more of a mess. The younger male nods. “That’s good.” 

_”I guess so.”_

Bin pouts. “Of course it’s good, idiot. You’re gonna be feeling way better than you do now.” He flicks Minhyuk on the forehead. He fondly looks at his best friend and Minhyuk shyly stares back. “I miss hearing your voice, y’know?” 

Minhyuk feels his face burning red. His heart is cheering at the comment. _”You’ll hear it again soon. And don’t say such embarrassing things.”_ He writes. Bin laughs. 

The younger male smiles too. Bin is handsome even when he hasn’t brushed his hair, ironed his clothes, and put on makeup. He’s still beautiful. Minhyuk coughs and covers his mouth as he bends over. 

Bin’s expression turns into worry. “Should I get the nurse?” He asks. Minhyuk quickly shakes his head and coughs one last time before calming down. The room goes quiet and he’s confused on why Bin isn’t talking anymore. There’s a stern look on his face and his eyebrows are furrowed. “Minhyuk. I’m sorry.”

Minhyuk shoots one eyebrow up in confusion. _”Why?”_

“I didn’t know you loved me. I kept talking about Cindy with you and I just wouldn’t stop.” Bin bites his bottom lip. “I should’ve known. It was so obvious when I look back. I’m sorry.” He sighs. 

Minhyuk slaps the older male on his shoulder and gives him an angry face. _”It’s not your fault, idiot! I’m the one who fell in love with my best friend.”_ He quickly writes and shoves the board in his face. 

Bin rubs his hit shoulder and looks down. “Still. I...I made it way worse. And I gave you roses, god roses! They are the worst to get when you’ve got hanahaki.” There’s shame on his face and in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

Minhyuk huffs. He looks up to the ceiling as he thinks. There’s nothing Bin could’ve done to prevent this from happening. Honestly, he never blamed his best friend for hanahaki. His eyes shut for a quick moment before he looks down to stare at his blank board. 

Bin gets pushed out of thoughts when Minhyuk pokes him on the shoulder. He holds the board to his chest, showing the older male. _”Can I get a kiss? I know you don’t love me back but...I just want one before the surgery. Just one.”_

Bin’s face glows a bright pink. “Minhyuk. O-of course.” He looks so flustered that it’s making Minhyuk more nervous. They’ve kissed each other on the cheek before but lips? Bin never even thought about it. 

Bin leans over and places his warm hand on the younger’s face, caressing his jawline. Minhyuk’s eyes softly close. The older male gulps before shutting his own eyes and leaning forward. 

When their lips touch, there’s a spark of electricity going through both of their bodies. Minhyuk’s hand wraps around Bin’s shoulders and stays there. He lets out a sigh of relief. It feels good. _This guy really is a drug._ He thinks. It’s so warm and they’re so close. Love. This is what love feels like. Even if it’s unrequited, it feels wonderful. It’s a gentle, soft kiss that makes shivers run down his spine. Minhyuk runs his hand through Bin’s hair once before pushing him back and away. 

“Thank you...” It’s the first time he’s talked since yesterday and his voice is so hoarse and quiet. His heart is aching so badly that he doesn’t notice the pain in his throat. 

Bin stares at the younger man, face red. “Anything for you.” He faintly smiles. 

-

_THREE WEEKS AFTER THE SURGERY_

The doctor finally said that Minhyuk can begin speaking. The surgery was a success, he’s healing up well, and there isn’t a moment where he isn’t taken cared of. All of the members are hanging out in their living room after he got discharged from the hospital. 

Minhyuk clears his throat. They all wait patiently for him to say something. “R-“ He clears his throat again. “Rocky swag!” He yells as loud as he can (which was like Myungjun talking normally). 

The other members all jumped up from their seat and hugged Minhyuk tightly. They’re a merry-go-round and spin in circles. 

Due to the sudden movement, Minhyuk coughs and then they stop. 

“Sorry, hyung!” Sanha giggles. “We’re just happy to hear your voice again!!” 

Jinwoo is jumping up and down like a dog. “I missed it!” 

“Although that was a cringe-filled line, I’m glad you could yell.” Dongmin laughs with a bright grin. 

Myungjun doesn’t speak but claps loudly like a walrus. 

“I’m glad you’re getting better, Minhyuk!” Bin is just radiating a happy vibe. 

Minhyuk bows to everyone. “Thank you.” His voice embarrassingly cracks at the end as if he was going through puberty. “I’m so thankful that you guys were supporting and caring for me. I’m sorry for being so stubborn.” 

“Oh, don’t do that.” Dongmin slaps him on his back and he rubs it in pain. “We’re your brothers, of course we’d care for you.” The others nod in agreement. 

“Now let’s go out for some food!” Sanha grins. 

Minhyuk frowns. “I still have to drink smoothies.” 

“Oh— yeah...” 

“We’ll ask the waiters to make your meal into a drink.” Jinwoo laughs. And with that comment, they all grab their coats and decide to go walking to a Korean barbecue place nearby. 

Bin and Minhyuk are behind the others as they walk side to side. Jinwoo was right about what he said. It did feel strange being with Bin. He wasn’t uncomfortable but it was weird. His heart isn’t racing and he doesn’t have the urge to hold the older male’s hand. They’ve known each other for a long time but this is the first time where he’s seeing Bin as just a friend. It isn’t a bad feeling, just alien. It’s as if the doctors had taken his heart and replaced it with someone else’s. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Bin asks. 

“How I feel about you now.” Minhyuk honestly replies. “This is how it was supposed to be. Things feel right but... strange.” 

Bin pats the younger male on the back. “Maybe there was a reason you loved me.” He says. “There is no right or wrong.” 

“I guess so.” Minhyuk lightly chuckles. “Was the reason to get cool surgery scars? Because I’ve got one on my neck now and I’m gonna tell everyone that a hook got caught on my Adam’s apple.”

Bin grimaces. “Ew!” Minhyuk bursts out laughing, making the other laugh too and wrap his arm around Minhyuk’s shoulder. Maybe this was the happy ending he always wanted. Just them being able to laugh together. Minhyuk feels free.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Did you enjoy? I hope you did!! Although they didn’t end up together, I tried my best to give a good ending. I was originally thinking that Bin would fall in love with him after the surgery and then he’ll have hanahaki but I think that’ll just ruin the moment. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and feel free to give me any feedback/opinion!


End file.
